Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian sentence consists of two parts where the first is a figure of speech and the second an intriguing variation of the first. They're used typically for humorous or dramatic effect. Enjoy these!

• Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. (This one is great, I'll have to use it often.)
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw fish.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Women will never be equal to men till they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they're sexy.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You don't need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again .
• The voices in my head may be fake, but they have good ideas!
• Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• I scream the same way whether I'm about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.